Cure for Funk!!!
I forgot that there was one thing i did differently during my funk. I took Passion Flower, at the recommendation of my mother. Being the good daughter that i am (ha ha), i actually did (H-HA!). Only today did i realize that it might have really affected my mood. That's amazing, if true. But it's the only explanation for the sudden disappearance of my funk yesterday.
I'm so tired today. Too tired to blog :) ... yes, i'm avoiding, again. I haven't thought about grieving in what seems like forever. But i truly am tired. I was at a seminar all day today. My workday was 13 hours.
So, this won't be my usual epic length entry. I'm just going to report about my reading of On Grief and Grieving, by Elizabeth Kuebler Ross. There are five phases of grieving ... denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The thing is, these are not stages. You don't go from one to the other in any linear fashion. You dont graduate onto the next level. You weave in and out of them. You could be angry for a few minutes and in denial for a week then bargaining the next. I think i've been in a denial and, to some extent, still am in denial. It's easy for me to do. The only thing that changed were words on paper. Our lives didn't change. It's slow to perceive the actual change in our lives. But in a major sense, the entire backdrop is different. Yet, who stops to notice those anymore?
And i think i've been bargaining all my life, thinking that i could put up with any travesty because i knew that i would be happy once i had kids. But i haven't been bargaining about this loss. There was a moment where i felt like bargaining, just begging God to relieve me of my misery, and then i realized that if He did that, i will never fully learn or realize my loss. It will be another bargain, another postponement of the pain. I can't do that anymore.
I can't afford anymore bargains.
Jude
I'm so tired today. Too tired to blog :) ... yes, i'm avoiding, again. I haven't thought about grieving in what seems like forever. But i truly am tired. I was at a seminar all day today. My workday was 13 hours.
So, this won't be my usual epic length entry. I'm just going to report about my reading of On Grief and Grieving, by Elizabeth Kuebler Ross. There are five phases of grieving ... denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The thing is, these are not stages. You don't go from one to the other in any linear fashion. You dont graduate onto the next level. You weave in and out of them. You could be angry for a few minutes and in denial for a week then bargaining the next. I think i've been in a denial and, to some extent, still am in denial. It's easy for me to do. The only thing that changed were words on paper. Our lives didn't change. It's slow to perceive the actual change in our lives. But in a major sense, the entire backdrop is different. Yet, who stops to notice those anymore?
And i think i've been bargaining all my life, thinking that i could put up with any travesty because i knew that i would be happy once i had kids. But i haven't been bargaining about this loss. There was a moment where i felt like bargaining, just begging God to relieve me of my misery, and then i realized that if He did that, i will never fully learn or realize my loss. It will be another bargain, another postponement of the pain. I can't do that anymore.
I can't afford anymore bargains.
Jude
posted by Fertile Soul at
9:34 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home