Fat Monday

Timeout for a theme song...

Fat girl, Fat girl, whattya gonna do-ooo, whattya gonna do when she's rollin to you.

I'm feeling VERY fat today. And I'm NOT pregnant. First, i've been overeating like mad. And today, i feel so bloated. Nothing fits! I might as well shop in the maternity aisle just for these oh-so-special pms days.

I can just see myself in the maternity section ...

Me: Ooooh, elastic waist band, Wahoo! Perrrrfect.
Marshall Fields clerk(who always must interrupt you while you're shopping): Can i help you?
Me: No, i found what i'm looking for.
Marshall Fields clerk (with knowing smile on her face): Aww, when are you due?
Me: Me? Um, no, you see, i'm just FAT. Fat, OKAY! Something wrong with that? And one day i wanna get pregnant, but i cant. I cant ever get pregnant. Actually, i hate this aisle, it's right up there with the baby section, which sucks, in a cloyingly, baby-powder infused way. Who invented baby powder? Huh? I have two words for ya, sistah, Peeee-yuuuhh.

... ahem, as you can see, i have repressed desire to have to shop in that section. But who am i kidding, that's for FAT pregnant women, who are TOO FAT for their normal clothes (HA HA) like i am feeling today, without the bonus baby in the oven (boo hoo).

Okay, and then, there was a huge train delay today AND it's raining.

Happy Monday.

Jude