Happy News--For Someone Else

i found out a good friend of mine is pregnant. This is the first close pregnancy since discovering i can never get pregnant. Never, ever. And then you hear about those who can. How do i feel? I dont know. Numb. Disappointed. Saddenned.

Actually, worse than that. I feel the joy that she must feel, the joy that i would feel if that had happened to me. Unexpectedly pregnant. I feel her excitement, the excitement i will never experience for myself. That's a bitter pill. And that's what saddens me. That i can feel this happiness and simultaneously know that it will never be mine.

Ouch. Life hurts.

So i do feel bad about this. But my mind keeps telling me that i can have this happiness. It may not be as i imagined (with a lot of children) but it's still available to me. And in the end, that's what matters. Contentment.

But right now, i feel that happiness that isnt mine.

And it feels like a sad loss to me.

Jude