Restlessness
Hello there internet world. It's been sometime since i've visited. I dont know why that is. I've been busy with work. No, really, i have. Shocking, but true. Well, when you stop being all consumed by one single thought, you realize, slowly, ever so slowly, that there are other interests that may capture your attention--for a few seconds.
Today i'm feeling out of sorts. I dont know why. This is why i dont visit here as often. I dont know what to say. I'm a little out of it. Is it the holiday schedule? Getting back to work after a huge long weekend is so SO difficult. I dont know why. Last night i had a huge whopping nightmare. Havent had one of those in ages. I was royally freaked out. What is my subconscious telling me? I dont know. But i was scared to death.
Yippee. Oh joy for me. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
I'm just feeling ho hum, today being the worst of it. This weekend was a little ho hum. I woke up Sunday morning just wanting to go back to bed. So i lazed about the bed. It wasnt a "I'm too-depressed-to-get-up-kind-of-sleep." I was just tired. Yesterday, i worked on my novel, and i'm tired of that. My characters are currently acting without any guidance or goals, and i'm mad about that. I'm tired of trying to fix their goals. Why cant they just be aimless people?
So now what? I'm at work today, but i'm tired ... restless night and all.
Well, i guess that's what i feel. I feel, now what? I've explored a lot of other interests, and i still find myself facing moments of uncomfortable restlessness.
What do you do when you feel this way? None of my usual interests are appealing to me. Well, it's not that they're not appealing to me, it's like, i've already done them. It's like playing the same game over and over again. I've played that game, and it was alright. I kind of want to play a different game now, but a little more engrossing/interesting/stimulating.
I signed up for yoga. Today's my intro class. Never done it before. I'm cancelling. I'm way too behind at work. I've rescheduled for next wednesday.
I'm learning piano. That's interesting. Very. But i'm teaching myself, and it's been slow going.
I'm feeling restless and there's no magic pill to make it go away. It is what it is.
That's all. I guess it's back to work for me.
Jude
Today i'm feeling out of sorts. I dont know why. This is why i dont visit here as often. I dont know what to say. I'm a little out of it. Is it the holiday schedule? Getting back to work after a huge long weekend is so SO difficult. I dont know why. Last night i had a huge whopping nightmare. Havent had one of those in ages. I was royally freaked out. What is my subconscious telling me? I dont know. But i was scared to death.
Yippee. Oh joy for me. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
I'm just feeling ho hum, today being the worst of it. This weekend was a little ho hum. I woke up Sunday morning just wanting to go back to bed. So i lazed about the bed. It wasnt a "I'm too-depressed-to-get-up-kind-of-sleep." I was just tired. Yesterday, i worked on my novel, and i'm tired of that. My characters are currently acting without any guidance or goals, and i'm mad about that. I'm tired of trying to fix their goals. Why cant they just be aimless people?
So now what? I'm at work today, but i'm tired ... restless night and all.
Well, i guess that's what i feel. I feel, now what? I've explored a lot of other interests, and i still find myself facing moments of uncomfortable restlessness.
What do you do when you feel this way? None of my usual interests are appealing to me. Well, it's not that they're not appealing to me, it's like, i've already done them. It's like playing the same game over and over again. I've played that game, and it was alright. I kind of want to play a different game now, but a little more engrossing/interesting/stimulating.
I signed up for yoga. Today's my intro class. Never done it before. I'm cancelling. I'm way too behind at work. I've rescheduled for next wednesday.
I'm learning piano. That's interesting. Very. But i'm teaching myself, and it's been slow going.
I'm feeling restless and there's no magic pill to make it go away. It is what it is.
That's all. I guess it's back to work for me.
Jude
posted by Fertile Soul at
9:38 AM
2 Comments:
I'm feeling the same way, so I don't have any advice for you. My husband says I need to find something else to be good at, to try to get at some of that Failure I carry around. But I'm so unmotivated I can't even think of anything.
By
Donna, at 1:44 PM
Hi Jude,
Thanks for stopping by... I read your comments on Donna's site as well... I know what you mean when you say you feel 'orphaned'... it sucks. It's weird. But I get more and more used to it as the years go by... I'm sorry to hear you too are grieving from infertility... it is just too sad. I hope you are okay and Happy New Year to you... :)
By
Coloratura, at 11:54 PM
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